Blogs

“I am not really good at cleaning up water.”

 
May 7, 2017
 
Notable Stats
 
Fake Jobs Per Hour (FJPH) – The velocity by which your child invents a new skill or explains that he or she cannot do a job because it is outside his or her skill set
 

“I curse you, DVR!”

April 3, 2016
 
Notable Stats
 
Impatience Acceleration Rate (IAR) – The increase in shock and awe as a function of time that a child may actually have to wait until the top of the hour for their show to start. Measured in sighs per minute.
 

“It’s not fair to boys.”

 
March 8, 2016
 
Notable Stats
Misdirected Outrage Arc (MOA) – The range of outrage spread on a cause that has no bearing whatsoever to what is relevant to a parent. Measured in imaginary friends.
 

“I have broken some sort of world record.”

February 26, 2016
 
Notable Stats
 
Useless Competitive Scorekeeping Magnitude (UCSM) – When your child keeps score for something that has no bearing other than the time wasted by counting for no reason whatsoever.
 

“I can’t find it (when I don’t even try to look).”

 
October 26, 2015
 
Notable Stats
 
Object Recovery Osmosis (ORO) – The science behind the thinking of a child when they expect the object they are looking for to magically appear in their hands when they have not taken a single step towards that effort. 
 

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