Reaction Time Degradation Rate (RTDR) – The decline in reaction time parents experience with each additional child. The third child is basically, on their own.
Mob Mentality Factor (MMF) – The multiplier that considers what happens when two or more pre-schoolers gang up on you.
Toddler Lift Distance (TOLD) – How far you can carry your son or daughter between their bed and the toilet when they are about to lose their cookies. Measured in stuffed animals.
Plague Takeover Rate (PTR) – The speed by which the next family member gets sick after the first one gets sick – Measured in units of time based on Max and Ruby episodes.
Head Lumps per Witching Hour (HLWH) – The number of times your child hits his or her head when it is either past their naptime or past their bedtime.
Repeated Repeat Repetition (3R) – The number of times you have to say the same thing for your child to put it into action once they are tired. National average is somewhere between 11 and infinity.
Standing Seconds (SS) - The time a pre-walking baby can stand without collapsing or moving in any direction. This is measured in random outbursts of disapproval.
Babbling Sounds of Profanity (BSP) - The amount of curse-word equivalents that she is saying in incomprehensible baby language.
Tantrum Duration Factor (TDF) - The time from start to finish for a tantrum to last. A parent hopes this both reduces over time and disappears, preferably....immediately. Measured in kicks per minute.
Sucker Eye Level (SEL) - The pre-determined height marketing people know to place toddler-enticing items, so that their parents will have to buy them to avoid World War III.
Coolness Reduction Rate (CRR) – The pace by which your macho coolness is being eroded by driving a mini-van as a function of age. For example, each year you drive it, your pant legs go up an inch as does your blood pressure.
Yellowing Acceleration Quotient (YAQ) – The level by which your mini-van smells “stank.” If you have a port-a-potty on board like we do, this quotient is tripled.
My father started writing poetry at the age of seven in his homeland of Trinidad and Tobago. After nearly 60 years of work, in 1990, my father published the first of his two books of poetry. This book, From Heart to Heart was his coming out party, a collection of all the moments that compelled him to drop everything to put pen to paper.