Migratory Stank Range (MSR) – The area effected by the reach of the scent of an old sock. Measured in burnt nose hairs per nostril.
Teleportation Olfactory Offense Time (TOOT) – The time it takes for a sock that you saw in one place to be found in another place. Often useful in extra-terrestrial studies.
Fake Jobs Per Hour (FJPH) – The velocity by which your child invents a new skill or explains that he or she cannot do a job because it is outside his or her skill set
Impatience Acceleration Rate (IAR) – The increase in shock and awe as a function of time that a child may actually have to wait until the top of the hour for their show to start. Measured in sighs per minute.
Misdirected Outrage Arc (MOA) – The range of outrage spread on a cause that has no bearing whatsoever to what is relevant to a parent. Measured in imaginary friends.
Useless Competitive Scorekeeping Magnitude (UCSM) – When your child keeps score for something that has no bearing other than the time wasted by counting for no reason whatsoever.
Object Recovery Osmosis (ORO) – The science behind the thinking of a child when they expect the object they are looking for to magically appear in their hands when they have not taken a single step towards that effort.