Lessons and tidbits of wisdom gained from the sport of parenting and the game of fatherhood. Contact me via Twitter @TheDaddyGames with your comments and stories related to my blog posts.
Stains per square inch (SSI) – The amount of dark sauce on an article a clothing your child is wearing relative to the amount of clean space left. A one to one ratio means he or she just jumped into a kiddie pool full of BBQ sauce, fully clothed.
Tears per fortnight (TPF) – The number of tears running down a child's face per week. Measured in parts of a trillion.
Crocodile Sympathy Ratio (CSR) – The percentage of tears that are from pain versus the number that are for show or that fall down the face because the child is not sure how to stop crying.
Negativity Multiplier (NM) – Whenever you present an option to your toddler, the option is weighed by how many times your child will say “no” before you can find something that will make them say “yes.” An average reading is 13.
Mastery Delusional Rate (MDR) – The illusion a small taste of education gives to a child making them believe they are now expert level after one lesson.
Little Knowledge Danger Quotient (LKDQ) – The exponential increase in safety risk caused by your teaching your child how to be safe.
Practice Repetitions per Hour (PRH) – The amount of times a child will do the same thing over and over again within 60 minutes whether or not you are telling them not to do so. Infinity is a possible number.
Eyes Glossed Over Thickness (EGOT) – The layer of film that coats a child’s eyes as they tune out the world (and what you are saying) and open the cabinet door for the 3000th time.
Over the Top Frequency (OTTF) – The ratio between times your child does something necessary to get a task done versus the times they add the extra sauce to the task to make it more interesting. A one to one ratio means you need a glass of red wine after you read this entry.
Counters per Request (CPR) – A fraction measuring how often your suggestion to your child is countered with his better idea.
False Knowledge Ratio (FKR) – The percentage of information a child has that they are enacting in the world as a function of what is actually factual information.
Times True (TT) – The number of times a child has to say something to be wholly convinced that it is unequivocally the truth.
Art Regurgitation Concentration (ARC) – The amount of time you spend picking up “art” from your living space in a given day measured in square feet, divided by the square feet of your space. Anything over 10% is a problem.
Paper Recycling Balance Point (PRBP) – The ironic see-saw battle between having good recycling practices and the fact that your child who lectures you about it, creates a ridiculous amount of paper to recycle from his artistic prowess.
Tidbits per Schoolday Quotient (TSDQ) – The number of activities your child tells you they did in school divided by the number of activities they actually did.
School Silence Horizon (SSH) – The amount of time it takes from the time you pick up your child from school to the first time they tell you anything about school.
Happiness Batting Average (HBA) – The number of children who are happy divided by the number of children you have in your family. .300 is the mark of excellence.
Happy Streak (HS) – The number of consecutive days one or more of your children are considered happy
