The Daddy Games

Lessons and tidbits of wisdom gained from the sport of parenting and the game of fatherhood.  Contact me via Twitter @TheDaddyGames with your comments and stories related to my blog posts. 

Jimmy Kimmel Is Right, Bob Mueller is The Elf on the Shelf

Jimmy Kimmel Is Right, Bob Mueller is The Elf on the Shelf
By Doug Glanville
December 21, 2018
The rumors are true.
Bob Mueller is the Elf on the Shelf. 
Let that sink in for a moment.

“The other alarm drowned out my alarm.”

November 16, 2017
Notable Stats
Defensive Excuse Response Time (DERT) – The time it takes for someone to come up with a theory couched in a fact, while obscuring an excuse. Measured in micro-fake seconds.
Double Bluff Blame Radius (DBBR)  – When the simple answer will do, like “I overslept,” the range of other excuses put in its place. Measured in height of snow.

“I will taste garbage, not food.”

September 12, 2017
Notable Stats
Toxins per second (TPS) – The rate by which a child is absorbing toxic elements from putting something nasty in his or her mouth.

“Stink has no limit.”

August 1, 2017
Notable Stats
Migratory Stank Range (MSR) – The area effected by the reach of the scent of an old sock. Measured in burnt nose hairs per nostril.
Teleportation Olfactory Offense Time (TOOT) – The time it takes for a sock that you saw in one place to be found in another place. Often useful in extra-terrestrial studies.

“I am not really good at cleaning up water.”

May 7, 2017
Notable Stats
Fake Jobs Per Hour (FJPH) – The velocity by which your child invents a new skill or explains that he or she cannot do a job because it is outside his or her skill set


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