The Daddy Games

Lessons and tidbits of wisdom gained from the sport of parenting and the game of fatherhood.  Contact me via Twitter @TheDaddyGames with your comments and stories related to my blog posts. 

SPECIAL EDITION: Confessions of a Major League T-Ball Coach

May 8, 2015
 
It was an honor, during the off-season, to have been interviewed for a job as a big-league manager of the Tampa Bay Rays. I wasn’t chosen to run their show, so I elected to develop my managerial chops another way. And while I won’t have the luxury of having the Rays’ star third baseman, Evan Longoria, in my lineup, who knows? I may have the future Evan Longoria.
 
I’m coaching my kids’ T-ball team.
 

"Seriously, you call this clean?"

March 20, 2015
 
Notable Stats
 
Rate of Re-do (RRD) – The percentage time you have to do over the cleaning efforts of your children. The grading systems is as follows : 75% = A, 80% = B, 85% = C, 90% = D, above 90% = F. National average is 96%. 
 
Circular Waste Time (CWT) – The amount of time your children spent cleaning when actually the dirt was just getting moved from one place to another. Measured in gray hairs.
 

"Wow, that was miraculous."

March 6, 2015
 
Notable Stats
 
Impossible Injury Metric (IIM) – The ranking of how rare an injury is as a function of World Population. 1 in a billion is too small for these kinds of rarities.
 
Self-Cannibalization Rate (SCR) – The frequency by which your child accidentally, or not, takes a bite out of his own body. If this rate is more than one, he has most likely grown back his hand after thinking it was a Subway sandwich.
 

"But, Dad, I don't know my actual name."

February 13, 2015
 
Notable Stats
 
First Name Multiplier (FNM) – The average number of times you call your child’s name until they respond. 
 
Birth Certificate Curse Rate (BCCR) – The frequency by which you yell at yourself as to why you named your kid the name you gave them, after realizing you should have given them a name that had only one letter.

"Raising athletes is overrated."

February 6, 2015

Notable Stats

Fast-Twitch, Slow-Brain Conflict Ratio (FTSBCR) – Yes, you may be excited that your child excels at slithering around the monkey bars or in their domination of the youth soccer league, but they also may think they can stand on top of the blender to squeeze into the stove vent.

Breakability Index (BI) – The relationship between athleticism and destroyed objects children test their athleticism on. Measured in shards of glass. 

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