Stains per square inch (SSI) – The amount of dark sauce on an article a clothing your child is wearing relative to the amount of clean space left. A one to one ratio means he or she just jumped into a kiddie pool full of BBQ sauce, fully clothed.
Negativity Multiplier (NM) – Whenever you present an option to your toddler, the option is weighed by how many times your child will say “no” before you can find something that will make them say “yes.” An average reading is 13.
Practice Repetitions per Hour (PRH) – The amount of times a child will do the same thing over and over again within 60 minutes whether or not you are telling them not to do so. Infinity is a possible number.
Eyes Glossed Over Thickness (EGOT) – The layer of film that coats a child’s eyes as they tune out the world (and what you are saying) and open the cabinet door for the 3000th time.
Over the Top Frequency (OTTF) – The ratio between times your child does something necessary to get a task done versus the times they add the extra sauce to the task to make it more interesting. A one to one ratio means you need a glass of red wine after you read this entry.
Counters per Request (CPR) – A fraction measuring how often your suggestion to your child is countered with his better idea.
Art Regurgitation Concentration (ARC) – The amount of time you spend picking up “art” from your living space in a given day measured in square feet, divided by the square feet of your space. Anything over 10% is a problem.
Paper Recycling Balance Point (PRBP) – The ironic see-saw battle between having good recycling practices and the fact that your child who lectures you about it, creates a ridiculous amount of paper to recycle from his artistic prowess.