The Daddy Games

Lessons and tidbits of wisdom gained from the sport of parenting and the game of fatherhood.  Contact me via Twitter @TheDaddyGames with your comments and stories related to my blog posts. 

"But, Dad, I don't know my actual name."

February 13, 2015
Notable Stats
First Name Multiplier (FNM) – The average number of times you call your child’s name until they respond. 
Birth Certificate Curse Rate (BCCR) – The frequency by which you yell at yourself as to why you named your kid the name you gave them, after realizing you should have given them a name that had only one letter.

"Raising athletes is overrated."

February 6, 2015

Notable Stats

Fast-Twitch, Slow-Brain Conflict Ratio (FTSBCR) – Yes, you may be excited that your child excels at slithering around the monkey bars or in their domination of the youth soccer league, but they also may think they can stand on top of the blender to squeeze into the stove vent.

Breakability Index (BI) – The relationship between athleticism and destroyed objects children test their athleticism on. Measured in shards of glass. 

“Dinner is not what it used to be.”

October 14, 2014
Notable Stats
Interruption Palpitation Expectation Rate (IPER) – The increase in your heart rate with each moment you try and take a bite of your food while your children find things to disrupt the peace you seek at the dinner table. The light-headedness you feel is probably starvation.
Request Ad Nauseum Constant (RANC) – The amount of times a child asks for something, after you have already given them everything they need to eat their food.

“Just follow the stank.”

Otober 8, 2014
Notable Stats
Dirty Socks per Crumb Mile (DSPCM) – The number of dirty laundry items between the bathroom and the theoretical laundry basket. This number can be infinity once your child forgets he even has a laundry basket (which can be daily). 

“Where I am going is irrelevant.”

August 27, 2014
Notable Stats
Blind Distance Recognition (BDR) – The area by which a child realizes that if they leave it, they will be too far from their parents. For 95% of boys, age 5 -7, this number starts at infinity.
False Leadership Compass Attraction Rate (FLCAR) – A measure of magnetism of a child to appear to know where they are going as a function of how directionless they actually are. 

“Everything is a comb”

August 20, 2014
Notable Stats
Knots per Twist (KPT) – The amount of knots in her hair that is created by a her “comfort-move” of twirling her curls. Measured in clumps sawed off per day. 
Untangle Impossibility Rate (UIR) – The tipping point when the repair on a child’s hair is to find a nearby pair of scissors. Multiple this rate by ten if you find that a blowtorch is required.


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