Announcement: RT @PennBaseball: Sorry, @Ken_Rosenthal, the invitation must have been lost in the mail 😬 We hope @dougglanville gets you that shirt!!
#Qu… Updated: Wed May 31 14:05:04 +0000 2023
Announcement: Auburn, here we come! @Penn @Stephania_ESPN https://t.co/9MwQOLVrZ4 Updated: Wed May 31 14:04:54 +0000 2023
Announcement: Too funny! https://t.co/lW6GyssKK6 Updated: Mon May 29 19:42:16 +0000 2023
Announcement: https://t.co/swpV02zvMb https://t.co/R1zNNUjgep Updated: Mon May 29 19:41:56 +0000 2023
Announcement: RT @JohnSchriffen: Just spoke to Phillies star Trea Turner w/@dougglanville. Turner told us he and his family love living in Philly and his… Updated: Sun May 28 23:51:23 +0000 2023
Announcement: Nice meeting you! https://t.co/wOhtfE0E0c Updated: Sun May 28 23:46:28 +0000 2023
Announcement: Interesting question. But part of the answer must involve Kodai Senga’s ghost fork. https://t.co/0vklmlnrGP Updated: Sat May 27 15:39:54 +0000 2023
Announcement: RT @MLB: Two years ago today, El Mago stole 1st base. 🎩💫 https://t.co/F15E7HtQwx Updated: Sat May 27 12:46:46 +0000 2023
Announcement: https://t.co/tx9E9063oL https://t.co/CWrkfIXrTq Updated: Sat May 27 12:45:43 +0000 2023
Announcement: Had to be on your toes to help solve a E Brown mystery. A 2023 mystery would be solved by the MLB pitch clock.
“I… https://t.co/2jA0E1UVpb Updated: Sat May 27 04:46:37 +0000 2023
Announcement: Could solve anything. He would be my bench coach if I became a big league manager. https://t.co/7hJFc04jtw Updated: Sat May 27 04:11:38 +0000 2023
Announcement: Outstanding. Thanks! Especially cool to revisit some Encyclopedia Brown! https://t.co/2XsscExahI Updated: Sat May 27 04:02:18 +0000 2023
Announcement: This sounds right…Would that be a Statcast record for MLB? https://t.co/1l5YfvB6aW Updated: Sat May 27 03:09:06 +0000 2023
Announcement: No doubt he does…I sent him a question once about how fast Santa would have to go to hit every chimney/house in the… https://t.co/ryaNCWAM0I Updated: Sat May 27 03:07:31 +0000 2023
Announcement: How hard do you have to hit a ball for it to orbit the Earth? @NASA @NASAJPL https://t.co/GBNANFlXyn Updated: Sat May 27 00:33:02 +0000 2023
Announcement: Is there a such thing as a Neat Joe? 🤔 https://t.co/EVpV8CnI3e https://t.co/wLE9SlYvNe Updated: Sat May 27 00:30:08 +0000 2023
Announcement: RT @Buster_ESPN: On the podcast, @dougglanville discussed Ronald Acuna Jr.'s preeminence. https://t.co/k86uLTR217 Updated: Thu May 25 12:24:18 +0000 2023
Announcement: Great job, Lance. Outstanding research and delivery. Good stuff. https://t.co/qDPirOasEF Updated: Thu May 25 03:10:20 +0000 2023
Announcement: New episode soon!! The transfer portal! https://t.co/tUlU5eFqYe Updated: Thu May 25 01:51:09 +0000 2023
Lessons and tidbits of wisdom gained from the sport of parenting and the game of fatherhood. Contact me via Twitter @TheDaddyGames with your comments and stories related to my blog posts.
Brains per body (BPB) – The maximum number of brains your child claims to have at any one given time.
Exoneration Quotient (EQ) – The speed by which your child passes blame to an extra brain.
Our children have multiple brains. They have emphatically explained their actions by expressing with a straight face that “their brain did it.” No, they didn’t do it, the dog didn’t do it, their brain actually ate their homework. By osmosis, I guess.
Ignored Micro-Minute (IMM) – The time it takes for you to realize that the basket full of toys you put in the kitchen to keep your one-year old occupied is totally useless. She prefers outlets.
Empty Box Swap Rate (EBSR) – The rate by which real toys lose their luster for the boxes they came in.
Ping Pong Vector (PPV) – A measure of how many times your child changes direction when they were supposed to go straight.
Itchy Ants Pants Factor (IAPF) – The time it takes for your child to get out of his or her chair after he or she just sat in it. (measured in micro-seconds)
Pre-school Wait Time (PWT) – The multiplier used when converting actual wait time into time that a preschooler thinks he or she is waiting. One minute of real wait time equals 62.25 years in pre-school time.
Behavior Degradation Rate (BDR) – The accelerating rate by which well-behaved children will decline until they can only be picked up by a mop.
“Wait? It is your funeral?” I wanted to ask the host at the Cheesecake Factory.
Cooing Ball of Destruction (CBD) – The velocity a one-year-old reaches while lumbering in a random direction as she pulls everything down in the process. Measured in broken objects per square foot.
Gentle Expectation Factor (GEF) – The expectation of softness by an unknowing person that picks up a one year old, only to have a shard of hair ripped from their head.
Oblivious Run Direction (ORD) – The compass needle direction in which your child is running as it relates to which way they are actually looking.
Spatial Calibration Sense (SCS) – An inherent feel your child has for where he or she is relative to his or her peers or objects. Measured in goosebumps per square inch.
Funky Body Nastiness Rate (FBNR) – The rate by which your personal hygiene declines as it relates to the number of children in your house.
Child Clean Relativity Factor (CCRF) – The amount by which your child is more well-kempt than you. Measured in showers you take per week divided by the number of times your child brushes his or her teeth times two.
Reaction Time Degradation Rate (RTDR) – The decline in reaction time parents experience with each additional child. The third child is basically, on their own.
Mob Mentality Factor (MMF) – The multiplier that considers what happens when two or more pre-schoolers gang up on you.
Toddler Lift Distance (TOLD) – How far you can carry your son or daughter between their bed and the toilet when they are about to lose their cookies. Measured in stuffed animals.
Plague Takeover Rate (PTR) – The speed by which the next family member gets sick after the first one gets sick – Measured in units of time based on Max and Ruby episodes.
Head Lumps per Witching Hour (HLWH) – The number of times your child hits his or her head when it is either past their naptime or past their bedtime.
Repeated Repeat Repetition (3R) – The number of times you have to say the same thing for your child to put it into action once they are tired. National average is somewhere between 11 and infinity.